


Amy's Last Message

by insaneshadowfangirl



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Ridiculous, completely crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 21:10:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7907752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insaneshadowfangirl/pseuds/insaneshadowfangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amy Rose had something important to say in Sonic Lost World, but it was cut off. I'm here to point out what she might have said, had she been able to finish. CRACKFIC! Rated for minor swearing and possible mentions of sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Amy's Last Message

**Author's Note:**

> Insane: In Sonic Lost World, there's a cut scene where Sonic's world is dying and he and Amy are on the Miles Electric's video phone. Amy says, and I quote, "It's too late for us, Sonic. Save the world and kick some butt for all of us. I'm sorry. I never got to say-" before the video cuts out. This of course, had many people believing the rest of the sentence was "that I love you" or similar.
> 
> But think a minute.
> 
> Amy Rose professes her undying love for Sonic the Hedgehog on a near-daily basis.
> 
> "I love you" is hardly something Amy 'never got to say', which leads to the logical conclusion that it was NOT what she intended to say.
> 
> Now, I'm not Sega and (Disclaimer alert!) Don't own these characters. I also don't claim to know what they were intending to imply when they had Amy give that final message. All I can claim is that I looked at the facts and came to the conclusion that Amy's final message was not "I love you."
> 
> Thinking of what she MAY have said eventually led me to some wild, hilarious, nonsensical, and downright stupid thoughts. I decided to share them here with you all- as a crackfic.
> 
> Keep in mind that A) This story involves Amy actually managing to finish her scentence, allowing Sonic to hear what she has to say, and B) That not one word below the line break is to be taken seriously. Really. I mean it.
> 
>  
> 
> _I'm moving all my stuff from FFN to here._

"I'm sorry. I never got to say... That I'm pregnant!"

The whole world froze around Sonic. The wind quit blowing, the planet quit dying, and Zavok fell off his perch, where he'd been waiting to make fun of the blue hero now that all his friends were dramatically dead or missing, and fell flat on his face.

"W-what?! How... Who... HUH?!" Sonic stammered, horror warring with confusion. "Th-that's-"

"It's your baby!"

Sonic was pretty sure he could hear the screams of the dammed as hell froze over beneath his feet. "But I never-"

"You're gonna be a daddy!"

"B-but I'm not - I'M STILL A VIRGIN!"

Zavok was rolling on the ground, laughing.

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"I'm sorry. I never got to say... I'm Princess Peach in disguise!"

Sonic stared at the screen, unable to process that little nugget of information. His mouth was hanging open in shock and a bit of drool was dribbling out the corner. His eyes stared ahead, unseeing.

Then...

The entire Sonicverse exploded.

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"I'm sorry. I never got to say... That I'm a vampire!"

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, I'm a blood-sucking creature of the night."

"Then why didn't you try to kill the Werehog? I mean, they'd be your mortal enemy, right?"

"Well, umm-"

"And you've been perfectly fine in the sunlight all these years."

"I, that is-"

"You don't even sparkle."

"It's, um..."

"I'm calling bullshit."

"DAMMIT!"

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"I'm sorry. I never got to say... That I killed your hamster in third grade."

"YOU WHAT?!... Wait, we didn't even know each other in the third grade!"

"Oh, right. Right confession, wrong person."

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"I never got to say... That I'm a drag Queen!"

Sonic stared in absolute terror. "You mean you're a GUY?!"

"Yep."

The blue hero fainted.

And then his home planet died, Tails was made into a robot, and Eggman became King of Mars.

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"I'm sorry. I never got to say... That I'm a failed clone of Pinkie Pie!"

"Huh?!"

"See... It happened like this..."

-flashback-

Two twentyish young men in white lab coats with Twilight Sparkle's Cutie Mark on the back were standing above a strange machine.

"Now, to add the pony DNA, and she will be complete!" One cackled in a very mad scientist way for a brony.

The other was too busy dumping a vial into the machine to care- until the first one realized which vial it was.

"YOU FOOL! That's the hedgehog DNA!"

"... Oops?"

"Oops? OOPS?! You've ruined her!" He shouted as the machine pinged and a light pink anthromorphic hedgehog appeared on the pad.

"Well, SOOOOOOORRRRYY! It's not my fault they're not labeled! Why is there even hedgehog DNA in the Brony Lab?!"

"..."

"WERE YOU EXPERIMENTING WITH SONDASH AGAIN?!"

"..."

"And you have the nerve to blame me?!"

"... I'll call the Sonic Scientists. They'll take her."

1233568:$;783

"I'm sorry. I never got to tell you... I'm Sonia's illegitimate child!"

Sonic gazed at the screen in sheer horror. Then, "But you, but she, age- how?!"

"Time travel."

"B-but wha-"

"And then I came back in time and fell in love with you."

"B-but... THAT WOULD MAKE ME YOUR UNCLE!"

"I know. Horrid, isn't it?"

Sonic fell to his knees, screaming dramatically.

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"I'm sorry! I never got to say... That your fly is open!"

"My what?!" Sonic exclaimed, glancing down. "Uh, Amy?"

"Yeah Sonic?"

"... I'm not wearing pants."

"... This is so embarrassing..."

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"I'm sorry! I never got to say... That we're no strangers to love."

Sonic stared at the screen in abject horror.

"You know the rules... And so do I! A full commitment's what I'm, thinking of! You wouldn't get this from, any other guy!"

"AHHHHHHH!"

:$;7;8;$;&&:&:

"I'm sorry! I never got to say... That my results came in!"

"The ones for the psychological evaluation?"

"Yeah."

"Well?"

"Appearently I've been diagnosed as an obsessive compulsive schizophrenic with a power complex, inferiority complex, anger issues, and a tendancey for violence."

Sonic blinked. "All that?"

"In addition-"

"There's MORE?!"

"-The courts are worried regarding my stalker-like behavior, and I must now stay at least six hundred feet away from you at all times. Furthermore, they're coming tomorrow to take me to a mental hospital for therapy and mind healing, and my hammer has been confiscated as evidence in numerous assault and property damage cases."

"Woooow."

:8:

"I'm sorry! I never got to say... That Twilight was better than Harry Potter by a long shot!"

"Oh that is BULLSHIT, Amy!" Sonic snapped, unable to believe she actually ENJOYED those books. "If you like Twilight better, than maybe Edward will rescue you!"

And he cut off the connection and left her to die.

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"I'm sorry! I never got to say... Superman is way better than Batman."

"No way!" Sonic snapped at the screen. "Batman doesn't bitch out around some green rock!"

"Yeah, but Superman is bulletproof and can fly and melt weapons with his eyes and stuff!"

"But Batman doesn't need superpowers to save people, he relies on his wits and gadgets."

"But Superman was there first!"

The argument continued for days, with Zavok watching morbidly in the background. The world around them died, the other Zeti were defeated by the unlikely tag team that was Tails and Eggman, Eggman attempted to turn on Tails (NOT LIKE THAT YOU PERVERTS!) and got his ass handed to him, and the world was fixed.

And Sonic and Amy argued about superheroes for the rest of their lives.

It was a good day.

123469062263

"I'm sorry! I never got to say... That you have horrible body odor."

"... That's the second time somebody said that."

"Only the second?"

4132134564578686909809887(5:;?,)!(

"I'm sorry! I never got to say... That I dye my fur!"

"Say wha?"

"I'm a natural blonde."

"... That explains a lot, actually."

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"I'm sorry! I never got to say... That I'm color blind!"

"... THAT'S WHY YOU THINK EVERYONE IS ME!"

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"I'm sorry! I never got to say... That your brother seriously needs a haircut."

"Manic?!"

"Yeah, have you SEEN his bangs? Like, how does he even see?"

Sonic facepalmed.

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"I'm sorry! I never got to say..."

"That you're secretly a robot?" Sonic tilted his head.

"ERROR. DOES NOT COMPUTE. HEDGEHOG DISGUISE INADEQUATE. ABORT! BZZZZT..." And her head exploded.

"Awesome!"

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"I'm sorry! I never got to say... I'm made of bubblegum!"

"... Wut?"

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"I'm sorry! I never got to say... I totally stole the Batmobile last week."

"YOU DID WHAT?! AMY, ARE YOU TRYING GET US ALL KILLED?!"

"Um, I returned it?" She said in a small voice.

"AMY!"

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"I'm sorry! I never got to say... I'm secretly Sonia in disguise."

Sonic stared at her as she removed her headband and ruffled her quills, making a bunch of fluffy pink hair puff up.

"B-but- you- EEWW!"

Sonia nodded. "It was the only way to deflect attention! Nobody would believe Amy Rose was your supposedly-dead sister if she were madly in love with you! Trust me, I didn't like it any more than you!"

"That... That is so disturbing... On so many levels..." Sonic's eye twitched.

"Yeah, I'm aware. Sorry bro."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this cracky ride.


End file.
